just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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