its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have feelings that need drinking.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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