she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
