Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need moral support for this bender
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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