Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
