Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
