She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize