I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
