i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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