Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
