do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize