he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
