Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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