Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
