was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
