True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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