hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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