All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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