Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
