He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
