He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
