Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize