Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
