I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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