there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
