why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize