So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
