She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
