she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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