Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
well you can't waste a boner
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
