this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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