I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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