Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
