I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
