I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
