I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
