I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
