Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
