How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
