"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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