they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
