i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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