How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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