If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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