And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
