Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
