I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
