I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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