My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I need moral support for this bender
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
