i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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