My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no you cant smoke seaweed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
