i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
