Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
