Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
