just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
