Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
