I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NoShamevember. You game?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
