Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
