Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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