I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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