if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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