Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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