He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
