I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize