I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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