So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Quick, to the slutcave!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
