picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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