she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
