Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
