i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
