Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
