I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just found puke in my bra..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
