I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
